Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. I love that John Lennon quote and it is so appropriate. I had every intention of writing more over the summer (it is actually good and inexpensive therapy, Lord knows I could use it), but life’s little distractions and detours always seem to win out and by the time I think, “damn that’s a great idea, I should write that down”, I’ve already forgotten or just drank the clever thought away. There were several beginnings and many middle ideas I started to work on, but I could never get them to come together into one cohesive, intelligible (well kinda) thought. I guess I just need to be more disciplined. That or maybe one of you would like to discipline me? I’ve been a bad boy Mommy. Is that a yard stick? What are you doing with those jumper cables Mommy, Mommy? Whoops. Sorry about that.
When I decided that I had to get something done, my mind wandered subjects. My first inclination was to write about the start of preseason and the seeing of old friends that I hadn’t seen in several months. The off-season was longer than usual, thanks to the efforts of Mr. Caldwell and Mr. Painter. But the more I wrote, the more it seemed that it was going to be too Saturday Evening Post or Leave It To Beaver for my taste. So I moved on.
I did what I normally do, observe, process, and criticize. The preseason was just that, the preseason. This upcoming season was unfamiliar territory here. For the first time since 1998 we were faced with the real possibility of having a losing season. I think we get a mulligan for 2011. I mean as far as we knew Peyton was just a couple days away from starting (at least that’s what Uncle Bill kept telling us) and we were probably heading back to the Super Bowl right? Boy was that fun for everyone. I hear Curtis Painter is selling used office furniture somewhere in Maryland now.
Well the first preseason game came and well, holy crap we have a team kids! Andrew Luck came out and looked sharp, not nervous at all. Donald Brown showed signs of why we drafted him and the defense and special teams didn’t look too bad either. I was pretty pumped up leaving the Oil Can on that clear, bright Sunday afternoon. We’d made it back to the Blue Crew Lot and I was pretty excited thinking about what this year might bring, when a good friend of mine said to me; “Two things, it was the Rams and its preseaon.” The dark clouds started forming over my otherwise sunny disposition. Damn I hate reality, thanks dick! Couldn’t you just let me wander around my alcohol fueled euphoria for a few hours longer? I guess not. Half empty, half full? I preferred half popped actually.
For the first time in…well the first time…dammit I have no idea, I really don’t pay a lot of attention to preseason stats. It’s like kissing your cousin. For those of you that really care about things like kissing your cousins and preseason stats, we finished a respectable 2-2 which I think is the best we’ve done since Sir Reginald Preseasonting III first suggested that grown men in tight fitting pants should tackle each other on grass for no apparent reason.
Not withstanding the worthlessness of preseason, I was pretty optimistic about our young (except you Reggie) team. Looking at our schedule, I could actually see 6 or 7 wins and another year of having extra money at Christmas time since I won’t have to buy any playoff tickets. I was feeling pretty good. Bring on the season and let the chips fall where they may.
I never expected the Colts to beat the Bears, but I was hoping they’d make a game of it. The Colts met the Monsters of the Midway (and Jay Cutler) and by the looks of it, we had a game! Sacked Cutler to start and then followed that up with a pick-six! Hell yeah the Colts came to play! Well at least for the first four minutes of the game they did. It was close in the 1st quarter, but after that it wasn’t pretty. Dwight Freeney left with an ankle sprain and they weren’t the same without him.
New team, new scheme, new coach & GM, new trainers, new janitors, new caterers and hell, they even have a new jersey manufacturer (the Nike jerseys run small so if you normally wear a large, order an XL, just a tip from the Meanie). It is a completely new team and it can’t happen overnight, so why do they always seem to find some whiny uneducated fan to run their mouth about something? I heard some woman on the local news proclaim, “Irsay ran Peyton outta town just when he was about to build another children’s hospital!” Where do you people come from? Peyton was coming off of a pretty serious surgery and he was due like a bazillion dollars for this season. Cutting him was the best option for this team in the long run. “Bunch uh spoiled zillionaires cayn’t never even beat da Bears!” some other moron proclaimed. Hey Jethro what about Super Bowl 41? If memory serves I think the Lombardi Trophy came back to Indianapolis that year. Oh and be sure to thank Super Bowl MVP Rex Grossman for his performance in that game for me. The Bears defense has been together for like ten years and they are a very good team (despite Jay Cutler). The Colts made plenty mistakes and had WAY too many turnovers for my liking, but what were you expecting in their first real game? Several of the media talking heads have us only winning 1 or 2 games this year. If the Colts don’t get any better that might be a possibility, but from my prospective (glass half full with a hot busty blonde Bavarian maiden on her way with a pitcher of Hacker-Pschorr to fill it up), I think we have much to look forward to this season.
The Almighty himself, Peyton went 3-13 his first year and I believe he tossed 3 INTs his first game too. Luck is the real deal and will have us back in playoff contention sooner than most people think. If you want my opinion and too bad you’re getting it anyway, I think it was time for Peyton to move on. Now that he’s out of the Indianapolis spotlight, things are starting to come out about Peyton that might surprise some of you. It’s already gotten kinda bad out in Denver. Peyton has apparently started a gang and it was so serious they had to ban his jersey from the schools. I heard this one guy say he heard from this girl’s cousin that Peyton was teaching kids how to break into cars. This other guy said he heard Peyton killed a snitch too! It looks like we got rid of Peyton just in time before he turned that hospital of his into a recruiting station for one of his gangs. Where do you think the Crips got their start?
This new team is eventually going to be fine without Peyton, Jeff, Dallas, Joseph, Gary, Melvin, Pierre, Daniel, Ryan, Jacob, etcetera. No matter where you go there are always going to be the naysayers or glass half empty people but remember when we lost guys like Washington, Thornton, Faulk, and Edge in the past? It seemed like the end of the world but we recovered. As good as Peyton was (or is), with all the criminal and gang activity that he’s involved with, who’d want him around anyway? The hot busty blonde Bavarian maiden is right around the corner and on her way! Bring on the Viqueens!
So sayeth the Meanie…
P.S. Ya know I love ya P! You were and are the man. Thanks for all you did.